Three Vampires walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender comes over and ask them what they want to drink 1st Vampire: Give me a shot of blood 2nd Vampire: I want a double shot 3rd Vampire: All I want is a cup of hot water So the bartender goes and gets the drinks and comes back. He hands them the drinks,...

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don’ t feel like it. I just want you to hold me." The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The...

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar. Free beer to the first person to pass our challenge! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and...

98% of Americans say "OH SH!T" before going in the ditch on a slippery road. The other 2% are from Buffalo or Rochester, NY and they say, "Hold my beer and WATCH THIS!"

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Texas. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas plus a couple no one’s seen before. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites. Onced and Twiced...

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.One of them said, "I’m the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen...

1. Only in America……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions...

Ski season is almost here! Hence, the following list of exercises to get you prepared: Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. Fasten a small,...

A man walks into a bar and sees a man with a tiny head about the size of an orange. He asks the bartender what had happened to the man. The bartender says, "Well, he was on a beach and saw a beautiful mermaid." "The mermaid swam up to him and offered him a single wish." Unfortunatly,...