There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the...

There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. “He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that.” She continued,...

For my teenager to announce "Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!" Five pounds of chocolate that won’t add twenty To have my 14 year-old daughter answer a question without rolling her eyes in that "Why is this person my mother?" way. A grocery store...

One early morning, a lady went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!" Son: "But why Mom? I don’t want to go." Mom: "Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go." Son: "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers...

"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?" "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too" "Just leave all the lights on … it makes the house look more cheery" "Let me smell that shirt — Yeah, it’s good for another week" "Go...

A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. “Nothing,” said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. “Seriously, what’s wrong?” “Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and...

In prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that...

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. “There’s...

A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together. When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don’t you give me a blowjob?" "What? You’re crazy!" "Don’t worry, it will be quick, no problem." "No!!...

There’s 3 animals all hanging out at the local watering hole, A lion, An eagle, and a pig.. Trying to make themselves look cool in front of their friends, the lions turns and says: ‘When I roar, the whole Jungle shakes’.. Not to be outdone, the eagle turns and says: ‘When I scream,...