A little boy came running into the kitchen. ‘Dad, dad’ he said, ‘there’s a monster at the door with a really ugly face’‘Tell him you’ve already got one,’ said his father!

A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs.The waiter, suspecting that they’ve run out, goes back to question the chef. “Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?”Gus replies, “I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left.”The waiter says, “Give him the rotten eggs....

Joe and Frank were in the office, and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3 x 5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out.Joe wrote: “The office workers should all be given raises!”When he looked at Frank’s card,...

Jim and Sally had an awful fight. Sally told Jim, “I want a divorce and before I kick you out you can take three things with you!”Jim pondered for a few moments and angrily replied, “Okay witch! I want my golf clubs, shoes and my balls!” and stormed out the door.Later that week...

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, “Where are you going?”He replies, “I’m going to the doctor.”She says, “Why, are you sick?”He says, “Nope,...

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?A: They take the psycho path

It was a really hot day at the office due to a malfunction with the air conditioning system. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on.All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous...

Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?He wanted to have a birthday potty!

Mary: My #1 ex was probably the dumbest of all.Jill: Why do you say that?Mary: He came into the bedroom one night holding a jalapeño pepper in his hand. I said, “Why in hell did you bring that pepper to the bedroom?”Jill: Well, what did he say?Mary: He said, “You told me that we...

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat.The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to...