Are You Addicted To Coffee?

You Know You Are Addicted To Coffee If…

• You grind Your coffee beans in Your mouth.
• You sleep with Your eyes open.
• You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
• The only time You’re standing still is during an earthquake.
• You can take a picture of Yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
• You’ve worn out Your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
• Your eyes stay open when You sneeze.
• You chew on other people’s fingernails.
• The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take Your pulse.
• You’re so jittery that people use Your hands to blend their margaritas.
• You can type sixty words per minute with Your feet.
• You can jump-start Your car without cables.
• You don’t sweat, You percolate.
• You run twenty miles on Your treadmill before You realize it’s not plugged in.
• You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
• You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
• People get dizzy just watching You.
• Instant coffee takes too long.
• You channel surf faster without a remote.
• You have a picture of Your coffee mug on Your coffee mug.
• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
• You short out motion detectors.
• You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
• Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
• You help Your dog chase its tail.
• You soak Your dentures in coffee overnight.
• Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
• You ski uphill.
• You get a speeding ticket even when You’re parked.
• You answer the door before people knock.
• You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

Submitted by Mary Jo, Emmitsburg, Md.