Blonde On a Diet

There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice. He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days — “Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then on the third day, skip.”
So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first two days, then she skipped the third day. The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, “How is your diet?” She said, “Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard. Doing all that skipping made me tired.”

Blonde & Her Case Of Melons

This blonde was walking down a road, when this guy came along. The blond was carrying a bag. The guy goes, ”What are you carrying?” She goes, ”Melons.” The guy goes, ”Cool. if I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?” The blonde giggles and goes, ”If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them.”

Blonde Leaving Work Early

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

A Blonde With Pain All Over

A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."

The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor… "You have a sprained finger."

Blonde Knows How To Fix Her Dents

A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car’s tailpipe.Nothing happened.

She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said,
…"HELLLLOOOO!!!You need to roll up the windows."

A Blonde Goes To Flight School

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly.

As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I’m doing great! I love it!

The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.

He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said,
"I don’t know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold.

I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"

Blonde Girl Learns To Count

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It’s good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I’m blonde?" she asks.
"Yes, darling, it’s because you’re blonde." The mom says.
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It’s good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I’m blonde, mummy?" she asks.
"Yes, darling it’s because you’re blonde." The mom says.
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. "Is that because I’m blonde, mummy?"
"No darling, it’s because you’re 25."

The Blonde Guy & The Cheating Wife

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What’s up?" he says. "I’m having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.

"You rotten bastard," says the husband, "my wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!"

A Blonde To Paint The House

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said…
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

The Three People In a Plane and The Farting Blonde

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane.

The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane.

Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk.

They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty".

Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down
and killed my new puppy."

Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"