A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he’s afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can’t climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can’t hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy’s chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. “So,” says the little guy, “are you feeling better now?”

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bull dog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a very nice looking female Collie comes up to them and says, “Whoever can say ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a sentence can be my topdog.”
So the Doberman says, “I love liver and cheese.”
The Collie says, “Sorry, that’s not good enough.”
The Bull dog says, “I’ll have some liver and cheese, please.”
She says, “Sorry, that’s not creative enough.”
Finally the Chihuahua says, “Liver alone……cheese mine.”

A young man goes into the Job Centre in Jacksonville, Florida , and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant.

Interested he goes to learn more - ‘Can you give me some more details about this?’ he asks the guy behind the desk.

The Job Centre man sorts through his files & replies - ‘Oh yes here it is: The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the gynecologist.

You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and carefully wash their genital regions.

You then apply shaving foam and gently shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so that they’re ready for the gynecologist’s examination. There’s an annual salary of $45,000, but you’re going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That’s about 620 miles fom here.’

‘Oh why, is that where the job’s is located?’

‘No sir - that’s where the end of the applicants line is!’

One day the husband comes home to his wife and she says to him, “Honey, honey, I need twenty dollars I have to go out and buy some meat.”
“Twenty dollars!… are you crazy? Come upstairs to the bathroom and let me show you something.”
They run up to the bathroom and he stands in front of the mirror and pulls out a twenty dollar bill and says, “You see that twenty in the mirror, that ones yours and this ones mine.”
He goes to work the next day and when he comes home he finds the kitchen table packed full of meat from one end to the other.
He looks over to his wife and says, “Honey, honey, where the hell did you get all of this meat?”
“Well,” she replies. “Come upstairs to the bathroom and let me show you something.”
They run up to the bathroom and she stands in front of the mirror, lifts up her skirt.
“You see that one in the mirror, that ones yours and this one’s the butcher’s.”

Two sisters arrived home from school crying their eyes out.

“What’s the matter with the two of you?” asked their mother.

“All the kids at school always make fun of my big feet,” wailed the first sister.

“Don’t let it bother you,” comforted the mother, “Your feet aren’t that big.” She then turned her attention to the second sister. “Now why are you crying?”

“My friends invited me to go skiing and I can’t find my skis,” she cried.

“That’s not a problem,” the mother said, “You can borrow your sister’s shoes.”

Two sisters arrived home from school crying their eyes out.

“What’s the matter with the two of you?” asked their mother.

“All the kids at school always make fun of my big feet,” wailed the first sister.

“Don’t let it bother you,” comforted the mother, “Your feet aren’t that big.” She then turned her attention to the second sister. “Now why are you crying?”

“My friends invited me to go skiing and I can’t find my skis,” she cried.

“That’s not a problem,” the mother said, “You can borrow your sister’s shoes.”

Joe and Bob were two very different people and had lived in the same valley for several years. Despite their differences, their relationship was one of amiable cooperation. One day, to reward them for their spirit of coexistence, God decided to pay a visit and reward them for their spirit of brotherly love.
God gathered the two men together and spoke to Joe, “I am very pleased with the cooperative spirit the both of you have demonstrated. Bob because being black in this day and age has proved to be a trying experience, I will reward you with exactly double everything I reward Joe. I am now happy to grant you your 5 fondest wishes.”
Joe, after thinking it over, wished he had a 50 room mansion erected on top of the mountain. Sure enough, on top of the eastern mountain, appeared a 50 room mansion. At the same time, for Bob, a 100 room mansion exactly twice the size of Joe’s mansion appeared on top of the western mountain.
Joe was very happy and Bob was absolutely elated. Bob informed Joe that they needed food and transportation. Joe agreed and, for his 2nd and 3rd wishes, requested God to fill the pantries with delicious wares and provide him with 10 different cars.
Agreeably, God filled the pantries of both mansions. In the garage of Joe’s mansion there appeared 10 different cars. In the garage of Bob’s mansion appeared 20 different cars.
Next, Bob prompted Joe about the 4th wish, “Women… we need women!”
Joe, agreeing, asked God to furnish his 4th wish as 50 of the world’s sexiest, most beautiful women. Instantly, standing in front of the Joe’s mansion were 50 of the sexiest, most beautiful women in the world. At the same time, standing in front of Bob’s mansion were 100 women, each twice as sexy and attractive as those given to Joe.
Both men were very happy and Bob danced around and exclaimed, “Go, Man! Make more wishes! Make more wishes! Oh, Lordy…this is our lucky day!…Every time you make a wish, I get twice as much…Wish, Man, Wish!”
Thinking the situation over, Joe turned to God and said, “Okay, for my 5th and final wish, I want you to remove ONE of my testicles!”