An old couple who hadn’t celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out.The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked and tied a lemon between her legs.When she came out, the old man cried, ‘You can’t go out like that!”She said, “I can go anyway...

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.“Wow…that looks deep.”“Sure does… toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is.”They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait… no noise.“Jeeez. That is REALLY deep… here.. throw one of these great...

Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John cut his arm off. Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to a surgeon. The surgeon said, “You’re in luck! I’m an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours.” So Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon...

It was time for Father John’s Saturday night bath, and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John’s nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her...

1. Look at the size of his putter.2. Oh, dang, my shaft’s all bent.3. You really waked the hell out of that sucker.4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.5. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip.6. Lift your head and spread your legs.7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow ...

“Doc,” says Arthur, “I want to be castrated.”“What on earth for?” asks the doctor in amazement?“It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done,” replies Arthur.“But have you thought it through properly?”...

Q) If an elephant’s front legs were doing 60 miles per hour…what would the back legs be doing?A) Hauling ass !!!!!

A buddy called me and told me that his daughter is getting married.I asked him to whom and he said, “I dunno. He’s some kinda doctor.”“That’s all you know that your daughter’s getting married to ’some kinda doctor’?”“Yeah, what?” he...

What has 2 gray legs and 2 brown legs?A. An elephant with diarrhea.

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again. So she put an ad in the local newspaper that read: HUSBAND WANTED:MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70’s),MUST NOT BEAT ME,MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. Two days later...